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The mindscape of the shooter may very well remain unknown to the rest of us forever. What follows is my own speculation, an amplification of what many nonviolent anti-social people feel about society, and a projection of their complaints into a mind that reacts with homicidal aggression. I do not write this essay as a justification for the shooter’s atrocities, but as an attempt to unmask what motivates them. IT […]

TRUTH: I MAY HAVE TRIED TO SNUFF MYSELF OUT a year and a half ago. I’m still not sure if it was intentional or not, but on an intellectual level, what the hell was I thinking? I was diagnosed with chronic hypertension, a wonky heartbeat, and genetically high cholesterol over ten years ago. I became a vegetarian, tried everything from yoga to walking five miles a day, and sadly, nothing […]

“…your heart is completely exposed.  There is no skin or tissue covering it; it is pure raw meat. Even if a tiny mosquito lands on it, you feel so touched. Your experience is raw and tender and so personal.”  — Chögyam Trungpa HITCHHIKING IS INSTINCTUAL. Hitchhiking thawed out my instincts in the summer of 2009.  Occasionally in the pool of condensation I’d sit stunned that I trusted so purely—my heart pure raw meat. […]

“I’VE WAITED ALL MY LIFE to put that son-of-a-bitch six feet under. I don’t know what the hell I’m cryin’ for now,” my father said, to no one in particular. Tears rolled down his cheek as he struck a match. My father always smelled of Dial soap, Old Spice and Marlboro’s. On that chilly, gray November day, all three filled my nose as I watched cigarette smoke swirl up and […]