Gerald Stanek | Trust

I have seen them, in a fashion

they are similar to us, but different

their bodies, their eyes, the way they move

huge, powerful — I understand, now

these rumors that they are gods

I remain skeptical

 

sometimes it strikes me, though not divine

they are master teachers, gurus

I observe them carefully as they carry on

commanding tremendous forces with such ease

I seek to emulate what I do not comprehend

 

occasionally, when I am involved in my work,

or just crossing the room

I feel them rush up behind

and past me, as if I’m not here at all

as if I do not figure in their world

 

then again, they will be still for great lengths of time

communing with another plane

patterns of light and sound, signifying nothing

I hear them speaking

but their language is unintelligible

nevertheless, at times it seems they know my name

I speak back, but cannot make myself understood

yet I feel compelled to do what I can to earn their respect

 

I perform the exercises earnestly

begin to feel adept, on the verge of something new

then I hear laughter, as if it’s all a game to them

they are only humoring me

and I know we can never be true friends

they cannot know my pain

I curse them

but my anger only amuses them further

 

later, I make my apologies

they behave as if there is nothing to be forgiven

I am grateful I cannot turn their hearts against me

it’s as if they take me in their arms

fill me with such light and love and joy

that I cannot doubt their good intent

and I know, in that moment, they are always with me

watching, listening, tending to my needs

 

then all trace of them is gone

and I am alone again

like a discarded plaything

I know, deep down, that they can do without me

it is I who need them

 

I have seen the portal through which they come and go

I long to follow, but it is closed to me

perhaps I lack the courage or will

to dash through into that other dimension

would I not be lost on the other side?

 

when things aren’t going so well

when I have reached the bottom

and feel totally abandoned

I cry out in desperation, pleading in the dark

hoping beyond hope they can hear me

and will return to shine their light

it is foolish, I know, but I have no choice

I must have faith and trust

that tomorrow there will be kibble in my bowl

 

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