Cast iron fervor
“I can’t believe you just put soap on that!” a zealous student shouts at his peer on dishwashing duty. There is nothing that will upset a hippie more than improper maintenance of cast iron pans. The most pacifistic woo-heavy Californian will see red if they catch an amateur with soap in one hand and cast iron in the other. If the newbie has disgracefully scrubbed a pan too hard, they will likely be cussed out for “removing the years of seasoning that built up!” It really doesn’t even matter if the pan is their pan – the righteous cast iron defender must stand in solidarity with other cast iron owners.
There is more than one way to skin a cat. But is there more than one way to maintain a cast iron pan? This has been on my mind for years. The tricky thing is that while everyone will tell you “no, there is only one way – you must do this…,” the second part of their reply often varies. I am adamant that my cast iron maintenance is the only way, because it works, and because it symbolizes something very powerful to my being.
The cast iron pan for the hippie represents the good old days, when things were simple. Cast iron is a relic from a time when people lived off the land and needed only two pans, one pot, and a gun to survive. (Most hippies are not so interested in the gun part.) And soap wasn’t even invented yet, so clearly you don’t need to use soap on your cast iron. You used dirt, or if you were camping out on a solid rock escarpment, you would use a bit of urine. And those were the good old days. The days before Teflon, aluminum, or plastic. And everyone knew how to take care of the cast iron pan.
Here at Quail Springs Permaculture we have seven cast iron pans and one cast iron pot. We had eight pans. I remember the day that one of the single-serving size cast irons lost its handle to the tile floor. If only we had been living completely outside, chances are the pan would still be in use today. I thought about welding the pan, but utilizing such a technology on the ancient forged pan seemed blasphemous. So I just keep the pieces under the workbench.
I’ve seen the pans get scrubbed raw with steel wool. I’ve seen them get rusty from water residue. I’ve found them left right-side-up collecting mouse droppings. And, well, maybe it doesn’t matter.
***
The joys of off-grid on-line dating
Match #1
“Hey there! Want to find out if we are really a 93% match like this website thing says?”
“Sure, why not.”
“Great! So what do you for work?”
“I work with a debt collection agency.”
“Oh, cool.”
“What about you?”
“Yea, I live off-grid on this farm.”
“Do you make any money doing that?”
“Well, you know, there are many forms of capital. For instance, I am rich in social capital, and also, vegetables.”
“…”
“Hello?”
***
Match #2
“Well, do you want to meet somewhere closer to Ojai?”
“No that’s okay, I live past Ojai a bit anyhow…”
“Wait, you live where exactly?”
“See, as the crow flies, we’re only 30-something miles apart, but, um, as a car drives, it could take a few hours… and there are some large mountains involved.”
“You live a few hours away?”
“I totally do. But! I live in this really amazing spot – beautiful earthen structures, tons of baby animals, solar-power, great wildlife like bears and cougars – trust me, it’s great.”
“…”
“Hello?”
***
Match #3
“OK great, and after that we could go back to my place if you want.”
“It’s so far away though…”
“Right, and totally worth it…oh and FYI, I live behind two locked gates and there is no cell reception.”
“Actually I think this is getting too complicated.”
“Well, things are quite simple once you get out here :)!”
“…”
“Hello?”
***
Match #4
“It feels so weird to not be texting you all the time!”
“You know, huh, I can’t really relate to that, but I have an email account though, so if you want, we could pretend like we are texting each other on that. And, no promises, but I could try to even check it, maybe twice a day?”
“You know what, this is actually getting complicated.”
“Hmmm, you might be right. Is there no app that makes emails look like a cell phone texts?”
“…”
“Hello?”
***
Match #5
“You do the actual slaughtering of the animals?”
“Uh, well yeah, there’s not really a neighborhood processing facility…”
“Oh my god, so those baby goats you were telling me about?”
“Well, look, I mean… they don’t stay babies forever, you know? …do you eat meat?”
“…”
“Hello?”
***
Making permaculture great again
It’s great to be here on this farm that I love. Permaculture? I love it. No one loves it more than me. It’s a truly great movement. But the last eight years have been hard on permaculture, I understand this. Frankly, most of you on this farm still don’t make any money. I am here to tell you about our plans for permaculture, and they’re big and they’re bold and it is what permaculture is all about, believe me. Today the farm is running so smoothly. So smoothly. And believe me, I inherited one big mess. But you voted for me because I know what you want. You want that barking Great Pyrenees gone – back to where he came from, France, or wherever. You want the hoodlum goats controlled – bad, bad goats. I said day one, they’re going out. Back to Nubia or wherever. You want the farm to feel safe again and I understand that. I understand that more than anyone.
And that’s why we’re building a swale. A giant swale. To prevent any erosion from happening, ever. When that soil is moving, it’s dirty. I know you don’t like it. I don’t want that moving around this great farm. And you know what? I’m going to make the desert pay for it. People have said you can’t do it. But listen, I know swales better than anyone.
And I know this great farm was built on guilds,* okay, but certain plants today are simply not worth the space on this farm. That’s why I will ensure that no plants like Siberian pea shrub or borage can be planted anymore. These plants are from China, and I love China. But even in China they are useless plants. It’s just not going to happen. Period.
I’ve heard your complaints about black locusts. Very dangerous trees. I’m putting them on the blacklist too. Look at those thorns, they must be invasive. Once you get to be as tough as me, you can just grab ‘em by the thorns, but I understand not many people are like me. And I’m giving you all access to more powerful chainsaws too. The gardens will be safer without them, trust me. Reagan knew this, there were no black locusts back then. Much safer.
The fake news says I don’t accept feedback. It’s just not true. I accept feedback better than anyone. And there’s lots of it. But to be honest with you, it’s the media that needs some feedback. Organic? Organic is over. Sustainable? Done. Agroforestry? Meh. Agroecology? Basically permaculture without the movement! Without you! You’re all part of this incredible movement. It’s a movement that is just sweeping. It’s sweeping frankly across the globe. People want to take back control of their farms, their lives, their swales and their goat dogs. This movement remains the best model for human happiness, and this farm remains the greatest symbol of liberty, freedom, and justice on the face of God’s Earth. The media is going to realize this. Or I’m not talking to them.
*In permaculture, a guild is a grouping of plants, trees, animals, insects, and other components that work together to help ensure their mutual health and productivity.
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Andrew Clinard is the interim executive director of Quail Springs Permaculture, a nonprofit education site in the high desert of Southern California, east of Ojai. Quail Springs offers programs for youth and adults in the areas of permaculture design and ecological and cultural restoration. Visit www.quailsprings.org for more information.
As part of Quail Springs’ team for the last five years, Andrew has worn many hats, including farm laborer, community outreach coordinator, project manager, and grant writer. He is inspired by the bounties produced by small farmers, as well as the work of agro-ecologists and political ecologists that critically defend food sovereignty. His introduction to permaculture came in Uganda, while living and working on a small family farm canopied by a prolific polyculture. In his free time, Andrew is probably writing “fiction from the farm” comedy about communal living and permaculture, or rocking out in Quail Springs’ hard-folk band, Cuyama Mama and the Hot Flashes, or solo as John Gary. He can be reached at andrew@quailsprings.org.
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