Rennie Walker | The Goddess And The Big Bang

The First Book of Stars | Chapter I, Verse I

Once upon a time, in the beginning, for that is when all stories begin, before Time Herself, there was the Big Bang (BB) that had not yet happened (THNYH), waiting for Herself to open. “Timelessness BBB” (before BB) is how it is more formally known and written by those who work with such matters.

This was before water (BW). But, water was there-in-waiting, waiting to become through the BB. And before fire (BF). Fire was “there-then”, inherent. Before earth and air (BE and BAi). This was also before archetypes (BAc), before life (BL), before sentient beings (BSB) (thus, logically and obviously before human beings (BHB), before human thought (BHT). And, logically and obviously, before hate and carnage, suffering and subjugation, and ecocide, speciescide, genocide, alienocide, and anger, greed and stupidity.

But not before Love. Love was there, unmoving, in Timelessness BBB.

Nothing happened. Not even waiting for the BB to happen. Since there was no Time there could be no waiting. But, there was “something,” since something never arises out of nothing (SNAOON). What was, then, Timelessness BBB?

It was-is the Goddess.

Before we move on together, let us acknowledge the year of this writing – 13,800,002,015 ABB. After Big Bang. Approximately. The month I write in is February. We are all, as I write, still within the tide of Aquarius. All is well.

And let us lastly acknowledge together that in Timelessness BBB, or BB-THNYH, we are also before all stories (BAS). For stories need Time, amongst many other things, to move, and Tell.

Let There Be!

So there was no Time, no history, no stories, no matter, no beings and no consciousness.

And the Goddess said, to Herself since She was all there was not yet (ATWNY), “Let there be Me (LTBM)!”  And so it was, and is, and, expanding, will be.

Let There Be Stories

And She said “Let all beings Tell to each other so that each being may come to know more and more.”

And all stories, both true and false, came into being. Noting along the way that galaxies and stars are stories too.

And the Goddess expanded Her Love. And She knew that one day She would be found.

Let There Be Water

Marie-Josephine stepped into the shower and closed the glass door. She looked out the high window at the hills. “How beautiful you are!”  A blue jay flitted between trees, and hacked out its mocking call. “How beautiful you are!”  She turned away, and as she did so she caught her reflection in the mirror at the far end of the master bathroom. “Ah!  It did take me a while.” She smiled. “How beautiful you are!”

Marie-Josephine turned on the shower. “Water, water come to me and wash me fit to see the Goddess.”

Let There Be Love

It was Friday night at the hot new bar in town, Expanxion, just off Main in Walnut Ridge. Marie-Josephine had been with her friends until about twenty minutes ago. Now she sat with him, getting to know him.

She said “Take me back home to my place.” And he said “To tell you a story?” And she said, smiling a happy smile, “Yes, TMAS please!” And he said “A physical story?” And she said “Oh, the story is always told in the way that it must be told, for that is the way that this has always been … words are not always necessary to tell a story, one to another!” And he said “LOL!” And she took out her lipstick and wrote on his white napkin “LTBL” and mouthed to him soundlessly but oh so full “Let there be love!” And he mouthed back to her “LOL” and took her lipstick and wrote on her white napkin “THNYH [That has not yet happened] … B/W U&I … so we R B4 the BB.” And she stood up and said to him “I am the Goddess.”  And he said “Yes, I did wonder about that … I feel something about you!”

Somewhere in the bar a champagne cork popped loudly. Marie-Josephine jumped. She turned to look at him. “Oh! That was a big bang! Startled me!”

Let There Be Lust

They stood outside on her balcony looking at the stars, shoulder against shoulder, hip against hip, orbits stationary against each other.

And he said “Tell me again what you do.”  And she said “Any particular kind of thing that I do?” And he said, “Tell me what you do in the day … and later … soon maybe … show me what you like to do in the night.” And she said “Oh, I am a professor at the Huntside Observatory.”  And he said, “And … you do … mmm?” And she said “I hunt deep into Space and deep into Time to find incontrovertible evidence of the BB.” And he said “I thought there was incontrovertible evidence of the BB.” And she said, “Oh yes there is … but only fragments … there is time and place for more.” And he said “So you are a huntress, then?” And she laughed, in a way that carried her French accent, “Oh that’s funny … my students call me the “Goddess Huntress”!” And he laughed in resonance and said “So, you are a huntress?” And she said “Yes, the BB is the Goddess … and I hunt the Goddess … not to harm her but to know her!”

Let There Be My Own Small Big Bang

BB exploded within her. He dozed. She dozed. Her little cat (pronounced “littleCat”) Maree, a Persian blue, dozed.

Now that Time existed, time passed.

BB exploded within her. Again. Ripples expanded to the edge of the universe of her body at a speed that was not countable. Life arced.

She slid off him. Holding, and letting the sliding off happen together in opposite motions.

He dozed. She dozed. He touched her in the middle of the night. Maree lay curled nose to tail on her belly. She let herself half surface. He said to her “I believe in the BB.” And she said “You do?” And he said, “Oh yes, waves from the BB reached me last night … this night.” And she said with a smile, “In the year approximately one three comma eight zero zero comma zero zero two comma zero one five ABB aka ATGB … after the Goddess became.” And he said, “I understand astrophysics now, for I was touched by two supernovas myself with you last night … this night!  Super supernovas!” And she smiled into her voice and said, “Only two for you? … why,I had five!” And he said, “LOL, you are the expert all these years ABB … ATGB.” And she said “Oh yes, that is true for I know … and it is my job to know … the ways that particles and waves and attractions move … and LOL back to you!”  And he said, “Five, really?” And she said “Being an astronomer I am good at counting!” And he said “So I was your particle accelerator?” And she said “LOL times two and I enjoyed our collisions very much … and you are a very good accelerator for me!” And he said “You are the Goddess indeed!” And she said “Without Her there is nothing and nothing ever happened.”

And on the Second Day

Marie-Josephine stepped into the shower and closed the glass door. It was early, dawn but not day. The light outside was all brushed into place in dawn’s palette. He was still sleeping gently. Her littleCat Maree sat on the bedside table on his temporary side of the bed, eyes closed. She turned on the water and let it fall upon her. “Oh water, water come to me and wash away the dreams of the night just past and the stories told in that night and return them to The Ocean of the Goddess. And there, She will, I know for certain sure, weave them into a large and expanding past, accelerating away from me, for purposes that are Hers and not mine to know, making room and way for what we call the present. Thank you, water. And let me tell you LTBL was asked for and was answered … for … there was love indeed! TWLI!”

Marie-Josephine shampooed her hair and began to soap her body. “Oh water, water, take from me the particles, both of material and of thought, that moved through me at the speed of the Goddess” Light last night and now expand onwards leaving me in my orbit. Oh water, water wash me clean of all except her Light!”

The Search for Her Place of Birth

Saturday passed and Sunday night came. (Time works well at passing. We should have no complaints.)

They stood together on the roof of the Huntside Observatory, in stationary orbit, energetic atmospheres touching, frictionless. She held Maree in her arms. The littleCat did not squeal or squirm or struggle in the slightest. She purred. And purred. Marie-Josephine purred back for a moment. “She is my familiar, I have come to accept. She loves to come and watch the stars with me. I have never known a littleCat anything like her. She sees Her too.” Marie-Josephine pointed her head down towards Maree. “I often find myself wondering how she sees the stars. Does she see different patterns?  Different movements? Things that I do not see? Hmm?”

He looked at them together. “You are the Goddess, you know. That makes it … well … you are easy to love but … will be impossible to woo and marry.”

She nodded. “I know. And, I know. Look up!”

He looked up.

“All that is Her! And more. More even than my telescopes and cameras and instruments can capture and process and image! She will always be more. She is expanding. We know that about Her.”

He still looked up. “You know her well?”

“She is fire! She creates and destroys Herself. Continuously. Light is wave and particle. Depending. Depending on what we want from the Universe. But not Her!  She Dances without any pause, even though we keep on inventing tiny droplets of time, so small that we cannot measure them.”  She pulled his gaze down so that he looked straight into her. She smiled. “You may think that a nanosecond is a small enough mote of time to capture Her if She does indeed ever pause in anything!”

She laughed. “Hah! We have invented harmonic over harmonic of slices of time. Picoseconds. Hah! Not small enough, some scientists say! But I say, She never pauses in Her Dance. Want some measure smaller?  Well, let’s try zeptoseconds. Hah! Not small enough, some scientists say! But I say, She never pauses in Her Dance. Now …” She paused for a moment and smiled a sad smile. “Now … we are on to Planck time. Some astrophysicists say there can be no smaller slice of time than this that is meaningful. Then, I say, we have run into the dead end of Time and can divide it no more. Then, I say further, that we still have never found Her pause in Her Dance.”

The Well at the World’s Beginning

They walked into her lab.

“Here we are!” Marie-Josephine set her littleCat down on the floor. Maree trotted over to a desk and floated in an arcing jump onto it. “My desk … her desk … our desk.”  She opened her arms and gestured to the empty lab; untidy desks, computers, all kinds of printers, screens large and very large. “This is where I search from. Where I draw Her light from the well of Her.” She sucked in a breath and looked around as if seeing it all for the first time. “This is where we try and capture Her image and represent Her. But … She is out there! Expanding!”

He looked at the charts and images set everywhere on the wall. “You know much about Her.”

Marie-Josephine shrugged. “I know a great deal about Her face that is Her nearest face to me. I know the date of Her birth. Approximately. I know some of her choreography, Her Dance. Though … what I see of Her is very old, millions and billions of years old. I will never know what She is doing in my now.”

“And still there is more to know?”

“Oh yes. I search for Her place of birth. That is my Service to Her and to this human race. It takes many of us to discover the smallest fact about her. Our minds are so small against the infinite, and infinitesimally small set against the majesty of the BB. Our machines are smaller than our minds. We imagine more, but at this stage we can only actualize what our fingers can make. It takes a village … no … it takes a … priestesshood … no … a coven of us.”

He smiled. “You are like a genealogist … in a way.”

“Sort of. She is our Mother. I want to know Her birthplace! Is that too much to ask of the human race? I am very close. There has been research in places all over the world. A few months ago I made a breakthrough. A huge breakthrough!  Publication is soon. Then all the world … well those who want to … they … we … we will all know where our Mother was born. And from Her birthplace so were we!” Marie-Josephine laughed.

“And … all these … particles that are talked about on the news?  That is not your work?”

“Let me tell you, She is not Higgs Boson! That is just the one of the fragrances She wears.”

On the 5,037,000,000,000th Day Approximately (13.8 billion X 365)

They stood in the parking lot of the Observatory. The fingertips of his hands fluttered towards her. “Will I see you again?”

“She is constantly expanding. I am fifty-two years old. And, I am as old as She. Yes!” She held Maree in one arm and clasped his hand. “I will take Maree back home … and then … let’s meet at Expanxion. Expansion is the only place to be!  And … it is the hottest place in town!  Give me two hours. Any way you want to measure it! Hah!”

“And I am a bit younger than fifty-two.”

“And you are as old as She.”

“Then that makes us …”

“… the same age.”

Water Into Wisdom

It was Sunday night. Not as busy as Saturdays. And late. They had entered just in time to occupy her favorite table.

Marie-Josephine savored a large mouthful of her third glass of white wine. She stared into the swirling lights of it. She smiled.

And he said “Maybe I am a gift from the Goddess to you to reward you for all that you have done for Her.” And she said, “Hah, I hadn’t thought of that!” And he said, “On the other hand, of course, maybe you are a gift to me from Her … though I am not sure why She would.” And she said, “Hah, I hadn’t thought of that either!” And he said, “I would like to stay the night with you … I know you said you have nothing on tomorrow.” And she said “Hah, I had thought of that!”  And he said, “I am happy to hear that.” And she said, “Tonightthat would be a gift to me! From you and Her!”

Creation Again

She sat on his hips. “You are a galaxy. I am a galaxy.”

He smiled and said “I am expanding.” And she said, “Me too!” And he said, “I am ready to collide.” And she said, “Come, Dance with me!  I feel the Goddess Dancing with us. Come, Dance with me!”

The Sequences of a Star

It was 3:00 a.m. Marie-Josephine stood on her balcony, a throw pulled from a sofa over her shoulders. He slept fast on his temporary side of the bed. She looked up at the starry sky. Maree sat at her ankles rubbing a cheek against the top of Marie-Josephine’s left foot. She bent down and picked her littleCat up into her arms. Maree settled and began to purr. The littleCat looked up at the stars also.

Marie-Josephine spoke to her softly, all the while flitting her perception lightly over the sparkling patterns above her. “So, little one. I know I have told you this before, many times, but here we go again. What we see tonight, you and I, is very old. It is the past. But that does not matter. For the past rushes past us and leads to the future. The past of these beautiful stars flies right through us, you and I, at a speed of one hundred eighty-six thousand miles travelled each and every second.”

Maree reached up a paw and lightly tapped Marie-Josephine on her chin. She smiled. “Okay, so I will tell you some more. Hah! I know you have heard it all before, many times. But … here we go again. Stars are not born like you and I. We are both kittens of our mothers. A star just forms itself from clouds of matter. By Her touch, through gravity and other means still held in the Mystery from me, She shapes how a star begins and becomes. Then there is the embryo of the star. What follows next is what is called “main sequence.” You are in main sequence, Maree. I think I am too. And then the star becomes a red giant. Though … the star does not know it is “red” … that is my word … and … you may very well see it as a different color altogether. And then … little one …” Marie-Josephine paused. “But you know as much as I do.”

Marie-Josephine moved her body and kissed her littleCat on her crown chakra.

“And lastly, let me tell you again, little one, for the hundredth time, at least, you and I are kin. Same mother. Same litter. Made of the same stuff. We are stardust, you and I. We are stardust.”

Rennie Walker was born in Edinburgh, Scotland, and spent many years being talked to by that land and its stories. He lives in the San Francisco Bay area with his wife, Kathleen, and varying numbers of young and mostly old cats, each of whom has taught him something about the mystery of being alive. 

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3 Responses to Rennie Walker | The Goddess And The Big Bang

  1. Eva Murray October 2, 2017 at 10:41 am #

    Lifted into the light by reading this.

    Eva Murray

  2. Connie Habash October 2, 2017 at 4:09 pm #

    Beautiful and ethereal, Rennie. We are indeed the stuff of the stars!

  3. Lori October 8, 2017 at 1:22 pm #

    Wonderfully magical and truly delightful! Thank you for your story honoring the Goddess!

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